The Journey to J’Nanin by Dylan

Evaporating into the book, taking no notice of what was around me, I just couldn’t believe that I was soaring through the turquoise, candy floss sky! Rumble! Crash! Consequently, I found myself soaring towards the strange island of J’Nanin. The sound of the waves angrily smashing against the serrated cliffs was deafening!


WOOSH! WOAH! As rapid as a rampaging rocket, I majestically glided through the warm atmosphere. Loudly, I screamed, “What the heck?!” as I flew through some treacherous rocks!


“Ouch! Oosh!” My foot scraped painfully against the dangerous, jagged peaks. “AAARRRRGGHHHH!” I yelled, as I swiftly darted through the immense, pointy cliff tops.


Below me, the white-tipped waves roared against the boiling, golden beach. Gently, I landed like a feather on a patch of rock next to a rope bridge, swaying slowly in the howling wind. Luckily, I had survived!


Category: Myst III  Tags:
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8 Responses
  1. Faye says:

    WOW Dylan i like how your journey through J’Nanin really made me fall of my chair!

    *Good use of Adjectives and punctuation.
    *I like how you grab the readers attention.
    Wish: Try to use more challenging punctuation e.g ()?: and maybe De:de sentence or a clause.


  2. Rachel says:

    WOW Dylan , this piece of work is amazing ! I love the similies and the use of onamatapiea !
    wish: try to uplevel your work by using more technical punctuation. :]

    • Mr Holder says:

      Well done Rachel – this is a fantastic comment for Dylan. It looks like you’re going to be a frequent ‘blogger’: keep it up!

    • Mitchell says:

      Well done Dylan a super piece of writing , here are some stars and wishes for you:

      *Super vocab and adverb choices
      *Lovely similes and onomatopoeia and other sentence types
      *could you use some more up-levelled punctuation like ( ) – : ;

  3. Adam says:

    That was a brilliant piece of work by Dylan. You obvouisly tried really hard in your work !
    *star: you did very good vocab
    *star: and you used good adverbs
    wish: try and use some level 5 punctuation

  4. Callum says:

    Well done Dylan , here are 2 stars and a wish,
    *Good use of onamatapia
    *Fantastic openers
    Wish: Use other punchuation besides a ! mark.

  5. Georgia says:

    *Good connectives and openers
    *Good puncuation such as !”?
    Wish:Use more adverbs

  6. Corben says:

    Well done Dylan i like your introduction.
    *good similes such as as a rampaging rocket .
    *brilliant onomatepias like RUMBLE! CRASH!

    wish: try to use a bit more complicated punctuation

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