The Chase in J’Nanin by Govind

“Woooahhh!” I yelled as I swiftly soared through the treacherous, jagged rocks, “Ouch! My foot!” My foot had been cut by a sharp end of a cliff that I swooped past but my foot caught it: it hurt painfully. Consequently, I found myself flying like a seagull, zooming through the sharp, serrated rocks, I was gliding as rapid as a rampaging rocket. As I flew over the island, I could hear the white-tipped waves roaring angrily against the scorching hot, golden sand; the next thing I knew I was getting closer and closer to the ground. THUMP! My feet hit the ground; I had landed.

 

Nervous and perplexed, scared and worried, I slowly and safely surveyed the minute island. A small, intricately patterned, hazardous bridge lead to a dome-shaped building, then the stranger caught my eye.

“Oi!” I shouted loudly, “STOP RIGHT THERE!!”

“Never! You’re no match for me!” he screamed back to me. BANG! SLAM! CLICK! He locked himself in the dome-shaped building. Carefully, I wanderedtowards the wooden ladder and carefully climbed down. As I did that, the ladder burnt my fingers. “Owww!” I exclaimed to myself, the bright sun blinded me. My hand slipped and I fell, only scraping my knee and it started bleeding.

 

Full of pain, I limped towards the edge of the cliff and sat down. Surrounded by three immense, white tusks, I heard the eerie sound of a strange rock whistling loudly in my ears. A smell of sea salt filled my nostrils. A twisted stone staircase was lined with small, smooth rocks. Before the stranger showed his face, everything was quiet until the howling wind took over the whole land. Even though I had cut my knee, I still wandered around the island analysing everything. Cautiously, Ibalanced as I shuffled across an unsafe bridge, high above the ground: I was going to attempt to open the door …

By Govind

6T

Belle Vue Primary School

Category: Myst III  Tags:
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10 Responses
  1. Zoe says:

    This is brilliant work Govind you should be very proud of it! Well done!
    * Great speech punctuation.
    * Good use of short snappy sentences.
    WISH: Try to use more connectives.
    This is fantastic work!

  2. Rachel says:

    wow govind! the writing is on of the best pieces of work i’ve ever seen!
    *great vocab
    *fantastic similies
    wish:try to create an atmosphere by using different lengths of sentences :]

  3. mitchell says:

    Well done govind 😀 you have obviously tried hard on this topic.

    *I like how u start with subordinate clauses (Full of pain).
    *Im likeing how u put capitals for when you are shouting.
    Wish: Good peice of work but next time do a de:de sentence

    • Govind says:

      Thank you Mitchell. I will use a de: de sentence on our next piece of writing.

  4. Joshua says:

    well done Govind you did very well
    here are your 2 stars and a wish:
    great onamatapoeir
    exelent adjective openers
    wish try not to use speech marks around onamatapoeir

    • Govind says:

      Thank you Joshua. i wasn’t sure whether to put speech marks or no.

  5. Grace says:

    Well done Govind, you have used some great action speech.Not only that you have used some good vocab such as … immense,perplexed and lots more. WISH: Dont use I as much in the last paragraph. 🙂

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