The Astonishing Stranger… by Callum

THE ASTONISHING STRANGER

Amazed and astonished, bewailed and perplexed, I turned around as Atrus strolled into the dim study. “Hello my dear friend,” declared Atrus when he meandered over to me. “This is my journal, I prevented this diary from being given to anybody else but you so take care,” explained Atrus. “I’ll go and get the key now,” he wandered off.

Whoosh! Unexpectedly, a ragged figure appeared out of nowhere! I was petrified! AAAhh! He threw a highly flammable stone against the intricately-patterned curtains and grabbed the Releeshahn book. Crackle! Crackle! The curtains set aflame. “Releeshahn!” yelled Atrus as the shadowy figure evaporated into thin air. “NO!”

If I had reacted quicker, I thought, if I wasn’t so alarmed I maybe would have caught him. Shocked and confused, shaking and horrified, Atrus suddenly froze: he stared at the book that had been left behind. Should I hop in the book or not …?

 

Category: Myst III  Tags:
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6 Responses
  1. Callum says:

    Thank you for taking time to comment.:)

  2. Grace says:

    A good piece of writing Callum , I like that you used a two paired sentence and that instead of said you used declared.

    wish: You could use some level five punctuation such as… – ( ) : ; 🙂

  3. Mitchell says:

    Well done Callum a super piece of writing , here are some stars and wishes for you:

    * nice sentence tricks and good punctuation like … , : ‘ ! ? ” ”
    * Outstanding description about the curtains and if you should go in the book or not
    Wish: up-level your punctuation : ; ( ) – and try use more connectives

  4. joseph says:

    Good quallity work Csllum 🙂 heres my 2 stars and a wish:

    * Good use of sntence types,

    * You have used good puntuation… , : ‘ ! ? ” ”

    Wish:Use adverb openers.

  5. abbibv says:

    *You have used good two pair sentences
    *Good discriptive lanuage
    WISH: Describe the characters more
    But very good overall I also like the description of the curtains 🙂

  6. Alex H says:

    Callum exellent work! My 2 stars are:

    * Great 2 pair sentence to open your 1ST paragraph.
    *Short and snappy sentences are used a lot in there Callum, I can see why you where writer of the week!
    Wish: Maybe use more connectives next time.

    Alex Ho+ Alex Ha

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