The Mysterious Box by Zoë

Casually, I wandered down the steep stairs. I entered the immaculately laid out living room to lay my eyes on a perfectly wrapped box with a beautiful pink ribbon tied round it exquisitely. What could be inside? This was so unexpected! I wondered for a while then decided to press my ear against the lovely box. I heard the jingle of bells. Because of the reverberating bells, I curiously thought that maybe it had something to do with Christmas…

I then heard the crackling of a roaring fire and the sound of excited children playing with new presents. How lovely!

Category: 100WC
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.
3 Responses
  1. pheabe says:

    WOW! your piece of writing was realy good. Well done! Your post was Fantastic. I enjoyed your writing because well it was magical. And you linked it to christmas. I am proud of your Work. Why don’t you visit our website. Hope you do thank you.

  2. Mrs Hopkins says:

    Hi Zoe
    * – well done for using ‘ly’ words and connectives as openers
    * – I love the way you have focussed on sounds to bring the scene to life
    W – do you always listen to your presents? Was there something that made you decide to listen to it? Try to drop in a series of smaller clues that lead to a significant one.
    Overall, this is super writing again!

  3. Chris says:

    Great writing, Zoe!
    You add lots of details to make the writing more engaging. You build up the story expertly, use great description and start sentences in a range of ways.
    Excellent work!

Leave a Reply

HTML: You may use these tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>



Skip to toolbar