The Mysterious Box By Sophie

In front of my eyes, was a shiny, glistening black box blinding me because the sun was reflecting off it. On top of it was a bright pink bow, it was like the shade of pink lipstick. A magical book, sparkling jewels or smelly, old socks – what is inside? I picked the box up it was so heavy I dropped it. BANG! “OOPS”! I said as I hung my head in shame. The box was battered: it had ripped very badly. The bow had come undone. “This box looks terrible” I cried. Through a huge hole I could see…

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4 Responses
  1. Halima.S says:

    I like the way you have described the box! But I agree with Alex H you should have used more sentence types.★

  2. wraycommon says:

    What a lovely piece of descriptive writing Sophie – I could picture the whole scene in my head due to your wonderful adjectives. And then you leave us in suspense as to what was inside. I just hope it wasn’t broken. Don’t forget to include punctuation inside your speech marks.

  3. Alex H says:

    * Nice short and snappy sentences.

    *Youve dropped in a couple of clauses.

    WISH- Maybe use more sentence types.

    • Sophie says:

      Thanks Alex H
      Next piece of homework I will try and achieve my wish.

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