The Mysterious Box By Harriet

 

Quietly the box lay there as still as can be, what was it doing. A golden ribbon was wrapped tightly around the mysterious box. A beautiful herd of Horses was gracefully galloping inside. I could hear the faint noise as the gorgeous white Stallions hooves hit the ground, with a thump.  Covering the peculiar box was an emerald green shade of colour, this made the box stand out. I felt the box and it was a fury texture that was so comfy I would have expected the material to be a pillow because it was so soft and extremely comfy.

Category: 100WC
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3 Responses
  1. Amy (team 100wc) says:

    Well done for entering the 100wc Harriet! I really enjoyed reading your story and you have included some brilliant description. I especially like the use of alliteration. Keep up the great work 🙂

  2. Mrs Hopkins says:

    Hi Harriet
    * – well done for using lots of the senses in your description
    * – I love the idea of a herd of horses inside the box and the alliteration works well too
    W – did you rush that last sentence? Check it through and try to make it as good as all the rest. Don’t let the quality drop at the end.

  3. Tulsi says:

    Dear Harrit,
    I really like your 100wc because you have describe the mysterious box in many ways like ‘ Covering the peculiar box was an emerald green shade of colour ‘. I alo like how you have used a rhoclical question ‘what was it doing?’ Next time, you could add more rhecilcal questions like ‘ how is it for?, why was it there?’.
    From tulsi at High Lawn Primary
    visit us at http://www.6d2012.highlawnprimary.net

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