The Magical Box

One day i was really bored so my friends made a treasurer hunt for me.First i had a crumpled map of the whole house.Then i had to go throw the chocolate world then ride on a camel.Also i had to go in different world.Then i was exstreemly tied.Then i went in this other world it was the modern world then i saw this box with shiny pink ribbon i thought that it would be treasurer “yes ive done it, ive found the treasurer i said proudly.I was thinking about it like why is it got a pink ribbon.I opened it i saw …

Category: 100WC
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One Response
  1. Mrs Hopkins says:

    Hi Ellie
    * – you’ve used some good words here like ‘proudly’, ‘extremely’ and ‘crumpled’
    * – using an ellipsis to finish is good ending
    W – try to avoid using ‘then’ so many times – can you think of alternatives that would fit?

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