The Haunted Bridge…

As I crossed the bridge,my mum shouted me, saying”Be careful crossing that bridge dear.”I carried on pretending that I did not here her, but something held me back as if I was in danger,I shook myself and carried on crossing, but then again something was in my way, there was a wooden plank missing in the bridge.But how come things kept stopping me walking over it?Anyway I still walked over it no matter what came in my way.I did get to the other side.I saw something,it looked upside down.I should have listened to my mum, the bridge WAS haunted after all!

Category: 100WC
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4 Responses
  1. Mrs Hopkins says:

    Hi Maisey
    * – well done for using a question
    * – I ilke the way you mention ‘something’ but don’t say exactly what it is – this adds to the suspense
    W – You’ve let some boring verbs creep in here and you really do need to be more careful about commas and full stops.

  2. Miss Wells (Team 100wc) says:

    Hi Maisey, well done for completing the 100 word challenge. This is a great story, I like the idea of the haunted bridge and like how you built the suspense by giving all the warnings about the bridge even though you still went over it. Next time have a look at your punctuation and try not to over use commas where a full stop would have worked best. I wonder if you could use some exciting adverbs as well? For example, ‘Nervously tiptoeing onto the bridge my heart pounded in my chest’. Keep up the great writing, I look forward to reading more.

  3. maisey says:

    Thanks I will try next time.

  4. Amber says:

    Well done Maisey that was very descriptive here are my two stars and a wish:

    STAR: Good use of punctuation.
    STAR: Good description.
    WISH: Try to use level 5 punctuation next time.

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