The box

I breathed slowly.  Coils of blue lace interlinked through the gem-encrusted handles that shone like  stars in the gothic black sky. What was inside ? A strip of fuschia – pink ribbon twirled around the marble coloured box like a snake choking its prey. My eyes were fixated on the silent mystery that was seated upon my shaking knees. The box started to rattle and wobble. Swords of light were flicking it into the air and my stomach cartwheeled into a never-ending carousel. Magic flowed from the secretive corners of the enlightend box. Pixie dust fell on me . The lid popped off and all was reavealed.

Category: 100WC
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2 Responses
  1. Mrs Robinson 100WCTeam says:

    WOW – what an entry!
    I really enjoyed reading your 100wc and wished there had been more to read. You pulled me straight into your story with the wonderful mix of vocabulary, emphasis and drama. The powerful descriptions made it very easy for me to picture the scene that you have so cleverly painted – well done.

  2. Mrs Hopkins says:

    Hi Rachel
    Your enthusiasm for writing really comes across in your work!
    * – The contrast between the short and the long, descriptive sentences works very well
    * – the snake simile is effective in helping the reader picture the scene
    W – check ALL of your lovely words fit the sentences – is the box really ‘enlightened’?

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