the box by Jayden

In the distance there lay a mysterious box. Shall i walk closer or should i stay back? what could be inside tresure, diamonds or even rubys. i must enclose on the box. i must see what is inside of it. but what if it bites. I slowly walk towards it. I can even smell something that smells like magic. I can fell exitement bubbling inside of my mouth. I can see it lying there under the christmas tree. Is it what i have thought it was this whole time or is it a completily different thing. I must find out. But i cant… Or maby…


Category: 100WC
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.
One Response
  1. Mrs Hopkins says:

    Hi Jayden
    * – you have built up the sense of anticipation well by using questions and some of the senses
    * – the ellipses help maintain this tension too
    W – You need to take much more care with your capital letters and punctuation – I know that you can work more accurately than this.

Leave a Reply

HTML: You may use these tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>



Skip to toolbar