the box by Jayden

In the distance there lay a mysterious box. Shall i walk closer or should i stay back? what could be inside tresure, diamonds or even rubys. i must enclose on the box. i must see what is inside of it. but what if it bites. I slowly walk towards it. I can even smell something that smells like magic. I can fell exitement bubbling inside of my mouth. I can see it lying there under the christmas tree. Is it what i have thought it was this whole time or is it a completily different thing. I must find out. But i cant… Or maby…

 

Category: 100WC
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One Response
  1. Mrs Hopkins says:

    Hi Jayden
    * – you have built up the sense of anticipation well by using questions and some of the senses
    * – the ellipses help maintain this tension too
    W – You need to take much more care with your capital letters and punctuation – I know that you can work more accurately than this.

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