caravan

Tired and bleary eyed, weary and fatigued, I slowly arose from my uncomfortable bed, which belong to the rusty old caravan, and stumbled towards the window. My eyes felt as heavy as a weight whilst I pulled back the old fashioned tatty curtains. I peered out the window; all the beautiful, green vegetation was hiding in snow and frost: it was just like a blanket.  Then my eyes caught sight of my cute little dog running rapidly. Chase it, let it, wait for it to return, which one shall I choose? I decided! THUD! THUD! THUD! “Fluffy, I’m so glad!”

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6 Responses
  1. Olusola(Team 100wc) says:

    This is a great effort! Do take note of the corrections made in earlier comments. Well doe!

  2. Andrew (Team 100wc) says:

    So sorry for the late reply.
    This is a great piece, I LOVE your opening. Your simile is great.
    Be careful with commas, you may have too many in some sentences!
    Super work!

    Andrew
    Team 100wc

  3. Ellie W says:

    Hi zoe I really enjoyed reading your work…
    *Great adjectives
    *Very nice punctuation
    WISH Try to think of a more interesting title to make you want to read it.

    I liked this work and you really deserved this teampoint.

  4. Mitchell says:

    Wow, a super piece of writing, heres my stars and a wish,
    * Good sentence tricks
    * good puncuation
    Wish. Use a …
    But over than that, a super piece of work.

  5. Zoe says:

    I meant let it run away but I understand what you mean I should of explained what it meant a bit more! Thank you for the TP!

  6. Mrs Hopkins says:

    Zoe, I always look forward to reading your work and you don’t let me!
    * – great 2 pair sentence – bleary eyed works well in it
    * – you’ve managed to use loads of great punctuation and a range of sentence types
    * – somehow you’ve also managed to make these random words actually fit together! Quite an achievement!
    W – not quite sure what you mean by ‘let it’!
    Super work 1 TP

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