100 wc

Ahhh. Went my mouth after I finished my can of coke: I could still feel the bubbles tickling  in my mouth as I swallowed. . My baby brother was okay though after all he was paddling around in his swimming pool.Two huge birds appeared in the sky, they were brown and had golden eyes which stuck out from a mile away! Suddenly the birds swooped down from the sky and snatched my little brother in their claws! Consequently my mom run out of the kitchen and started to scream and shout.

“I’ll get you back son, don’t you worry,” she cried!

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  1. Mr Holder says:

    Hi Alex.

    * I really like that you’ve mastered using : for de:de sentences now
    * Consequently works well to connect your ideas and help your writing flow
    * I also pleased you’ve started selecting the correct ‘there/their/they’re’ – keep this up!

    Wish – Your dialogue sentence really needs the ! after speech (that’s the bit that is being shouted out). The end of the sentence just needs a full stop.

    e.g. …don’t you worry!” she cried.

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